As soon as i heard the words I was not expecting, my heart stopped and
the tears flowed. “You will never be able to bare children.” i sat
there and envisioned what life might be like for me.
This was
the hardest thing for me to accept because I was raised a fearless lion,
who has always made the impossible possible. And for the first time, I
felt I could not change something with my faith.
I learned to
accept things the way they were because it seemed pointless to think
about it. Since that day, nothing has been impossible. My life has
been extraordinary. The fortune I have built in my life has been
phenomenal. But still, there are days where I wonder what kind of
mother I would have been…
The other day, I was talking with my
mother and she said something so meaningful to me that I felt that same
type of heart-stopping feeling and again, tears stained my face. She
said, “All the experience gained from this life time will a good mother
make you in the next”
My mother and I have come a long way in our relationship. I treasure her for the great woman she doesn’t even know she is.
What a lovely thought for all women who cannot bare children. We’re in training to be good mothers in our next life time.
Thanks Mom!
Monday, December 9, 2013
Thursday, October 4, 2012
The Girl with the White Gloves
I could use your help actually...you see, soon after I arrived in Canada, the Eczema I had as a child resurfaced, but this time it made its way to my fingers. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Eczema, it is a skin condition/disease. No matter which part of the skin is affected, eczema is almost always itchy. Sometimes the itching will start before the rash appears, but when it does the rash most commonly occurs on the face, back of the knees, wrists, hands, or feet. It may also affect other areas as well.
Affected areas usually appear very dry, thickened, scaly and appears red and sore from the scratching and/or scalding hot water (sometimes the water is the only way to satisfy the itch, but it's so bad and adds to the problem), In infants, the itchy rash can produce an oozing, crusting condition that occurs mainly on the face and scalp, but patches may appear anywhere.
Anyway, I have been to the Dr. and eventually ended up in a Dermatologist's office and have tried numerous treatments, creams and ointments, but it's still hanging on to me. I am coping with the external symptoms, including putting ointment on and cotton gloves while I sleep at night. Wearing the gloves does dull the symptoms a little, as well as hides the appearance from others I come in contact with, so I will frequently wear the white gloves when I am out as well.
The funny thing is, people cannot seem to refrain from commenting and joking about my white gloves. I have heard the following:
SIDE NOTE: You may not know this about me: I am a singer in a band and am known as, "The Girl with the White Gloves." Now as far as that goes, I think it is cool to have a recognizable trademark ~wink~
*cheers*
Affected areas usually appear very dry, thickened, scaly and appears red and sore from the scratching and/or scalding hot water (sometimes the water is the only way to satisfy the itch, but it's so bad and adds to the problem), In infants, the itchy rash can produce an oozing, crusting condition that occurs mainly on the face and scalp, but patches may appear anywhere.
Anyway, I have been to the Dr. and eventually ended up in a Dermatologist's office and have tried numerous treatments, creams and ointments, but it's still hanging on to me. I am coping with the external symptoms, including putting ointment on and cotton gloves while I sleep at night. Wearing the gloves does dull the symptoms a little, as well as hides the appearance from others I come in contact with, so I will frequently wear the white gloves when I am out as well.
The funny thing is, people cannot seem to refrain from commenting and joking about my white gloves. I have heard the following:
- Say hello to Mickey Mouse for me, will ya Minnie?
- Michael Jackson only wore a glove on one hand (and is dead)!
- Well, if it isn't Snow White...where are your dwarfs?
- Aren't you a tad old to be going to the prom?
- I am a hand model and my contract states I cannot expose my hands to the environment...
- I have a Royal bloodline and am not permitted to show my hands to anyone but my King!
- My hands are way too sexy and have been known to cause traffic accidents :)
- I AM Snow White!
SIDE NOTE: You may not know this about me: I am a singer in a band and am known as, "The Girl with the White Gloves." Now as far as that goes, I think it is cool to have a recognizable trademark ~wink~
*cheers*
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Winter never fails to turn into Spring
Spring has a deep meaning for me personally. It not only means that
Winter has ended, as guaranteed each year, but it is a symbol that life
is ever changing, along with our circumstances. Winter represents the
problems we face...the situations we want to change...the life which
some wish to escape due to it being so unbearable. The mere fact that
Winter never fails to turn into Spring is comforting, for it means that
no matter how difficult our present is, it will eventually change, just
as Winter never fails to turn into Spring. This thinking has been with
me my whole life and allows me to fight through any obstacles, ever
emerging the victor in my life. It gives me eternal hope for the
future. It fills each day with the possibility that it could be the day
that turns my dreams into reality. The possibility that this could be
one of the best days ever had, if we just don't prejudge it.
For
those going through hard times right now, please know that Winter never
fails to turn into Spring...keep hope alive that the Sun will shine
again for you...your flower will bloom, your wings will spread...and
you will soar.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Red Light (Shoten Zenjin)
I use this as a term for things that occur in our lives that appear
to be a negative to illustrate the protection by the Shoten Zenjin (The
protective forces of nature some refer to as Guardian Angels).
When one encounters an obstacle, it is usually seen for what it is, but WHAT IF it is the way we receive protection from the Shoten Zenjin?
It is my belief that when things occur to change the direction of our thoughts or paths, we are being protected by the universe itself - allow me to explain...
Take an actual red light for instance: Did you ever think that you were stopped by a red light to prevent you from being
ahead of your proposed fate? Perhaps you are being protected, changing your destiny or karma. WHAT IF you stepped on the gas, taking you ahead and right into danger? I try to practice what we commonly call, "Going With The Flow" and not stressing about being late for what ever you are on your way to.
In another example, perhaps you've been looking forward to an event or a move to a different city and it changed, leaving you very disappointed, as you were really looking forward to it. WHAT IF there were unforeseen dangerous events that would have taken place that you are being protected from?
Life is full of WHAT IF'S, true, but WHAT IF it is true?
Life runs concurrent with the Mystic Law of the universe and I, for one, will do my best to accept the "Red Lights" that are placed in front of me. This is not to say that I won't challenge every obstacle, fight against injustice or take any BS (lol), for I am a Bodhisatvah of the Earth, I am a Lion: hear me roar: NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO!
When one encounters an obstacle, it is usually seen for what it is, but WHAT IF it is the way we receive protection from the Shoten Zenjin?
It is my belief that when things occur to change the direction of our thoughts or paths, we are being protected by the universe itself - allow me to explain...
Take an actual red light for instance: Did you ever think that you were stopped by a red light to prevent you from being
ahead of your proposed fate? Perhaps you are being protected, changing your destiny or karma. WHAT IF you stepped on the gas, taking you ahead and right into danger? I try to practice what we commonly call, "Going With The Flow" and not stressing about being late for what ever you are on your way to.
In another example, perhaps you've been looking forward to an event or a move to a different city and it changed, leaving you very disappointed, as you were really looking forward to it. WHAT IF there were unforeseen dangerous events that would have taken place that you are being protected from?
Life is full of WHAT IF'S, true, but WHAT IF it is true?
Life runs concurrent with the Mystic Law of the universe and I, for one, will do my best to accept the "Red Lights" that are placed in front of me. This is not to say that I won't challenge every obstacle, fight against injustice or take any BS (lol), for I am a Bodhisatvah of the Earth, I am a Lion: hear me roar: NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO!
Lessons Learned: The Key
Lessons and tests of character can be learned (or failed for lack of a
better word) in every day settings by anyone, when you least expect
it.
For example:
The other day, my Mother and I spent the day together. We shopped and ate and the day was getting long and we were getting tired and ready to go our separate ways for the day, but for one last task we had to complete: the making of a key.
After shopping and waiting in line at Wal-Mart for other things, I asked the clerk where I could get a key made, to which she replied, "Down at the far corner of the store in the Automotive section. I asked if I could leave my cart of already purchased goods there while my Mother (who was in an electric driving cart to save her from all the walking) and I started for the far corner of the store and finally reached it.
"May I help you?" said the clerk behind the counter. This was a friendly looking gentleman who possessed a warm smile. "I would like to have a copy of a key made please, I said." He replied, "Oh, we don't do that here anymore." My anger grew inside when I said, "But I was sent here by the cashier up front, as well as 2 other associates I passed along the way to your section." He asked me if I knew their names, which made the feeling inside grow deeper: "No, I did not get their names." I sighed pretty loudly when the man said, "Well, I guess I better make a copy of that key for you after all then." He smiled, proudly revealing that he was joking around with me. This was the point where I decided how to handle myself. I could get angry with him for frustrating me or I could smile and get through this last task.
I simply said, "It's been a long day and am not much in the mood for jokes Sir." He finished the key, I thanked him, and off I and my Mother went.
Even the smallest of challenges of how we react to things is important...important enough to make me think about it and write this note *wink*
Lesson learned...I may not have handled it the way I would have preferred, but the next time something similar occurs, I will reflect for a moment and respond differently!
For example:
The other day, my Mother and I spent the day together. We shopped and ate and the day was getting long and we were getting tired and ready to go our separate ways for the day, but for one last task we had to complete: the making of a key.
After shopping and waiting in line at Wal-Mart for other things, I asked the clerk where I could get a key made, to which she replied, "Down at the far corner of the store in the Automotive section. I asked if I could leave my cart of already purchased goods there while my Mother (who was in an electric driving cart to save her from all the walking) and I started for the far corner of the store and finally reached it.
"May I help you?" said the clerk behind the counter. This was a friendly looking gentleman who possessed a warm smile. "I would like to have a copy of a key made please, I said." He replied, "Oh, we don't do that here anymore." My anger grew inside when I said, "But I was sent here by the cashier up front, as well as 2 other associates I passed along the way to your section." He asked me if I knew their names, which made the feeling inside grow deeper: "No, I did not get their names." I sighed pretty loudly when the man said, "Well, I guess I better make a copy of that key for you after all then." He smiled, proudly revealing that he was joking around with me. This was the point where I decided how to handle myself. I could get angry with him for frustrating me or I could smile and get through this last task.
I simply said, "It's been a long day and am not much in the mood for jokes Sir." He finished the key, I thanked him, and off I and my Mother went.
Even the smallest of challenges of how we react to things is important...important enough to make me think about it and write this note *wink*
Lesson learned...I may not have handled it the way I would have preferred, but the next time something similar occurs, I will reflect for a moment and respond differently!
State of Mind
It is incredible how the mind can control us: our bodies, our moods, our perception...
You've heard that age is a state of mind...how about the week day?
Today is Friday...are you feeling relieved that the week is over and the weekend is on the horizon? Excitement filling your chest as a ready-to-party mood takes hold of you? I love the Friday feeling, not to mention the Saturday night feeling *grins*
Some may think I am a freak of nature with my beliefs, but they work for me. For the longest time, I wake up every day (including Mondays - lol) and tell my brain: It's Friday! And when the Sun goes down, I tell my brain: It's Saturday night!
How awesome would it be to feel like every day is Friday and every night is Saturday night? For me, it is...it can be for you too - state of mind peeps, state of mind!
You've heard that age is a state of mind...how about the week day?
Today is Friday...are you feeling relieved that the week is over and the weekend is on the horizon? Excitement filling your chest as a ready-to-party mood takes hold of you? I love the Friday feeling, not to mention the Saturday night feeling *grins*
Some may think I am a freak of nature with my beliefs, but they work for me. For the longest time, I wake up every day (including Mondays - lol) and tell my brain: It's Friday! And when the Sun goes down, I tell my brain: It's Saturday night!
How awesome would it be to feel like every day is Friday and every night is Saturday night? For me, it is...it can be for you too - state of mind peeps, state of mind!
What is Freedom?
The following statement is my opinion. It is how my mind works as
the result of being raised a Buddhist in America. From time to time,
thoughts enter my mind and I feel compelled to document them, so I can
make room for more thoughts (lol). This is what poured out of me this
morning...
Have you lived a life free of bad words, thoughts and/or actions? Of course not, as we are human beings and are just as capable of being bad as we are capable of being good. Have we always created value in our lives and the lives of others around us? We are a direct reflection of our environment, and as human beings, we react to the environment at the same time. Therefore, the saying of, "The things others say, think or do is their karma, and the way we react is our karma" is a correct and very difficult way to live ones life, but it is how the Bodhisattva's of the Earth choose to live.
So, when bad things happen to us, it can be argued that it is the result of karma catching up to us. The interesting part of that is, when one is faced with karma, it can present itself in good and bad ways. Sometimes, we wonder what we did to deserve a good or bad thing happening to us or someone close to us, or even to people or a country far removed from our immediate environment. When these things occur, I see it as an opportunity to challenge ourselves and break through the karma. In other words, we are given the chance to add or remove a link from our karma chain. These chains are strong though, so it takes great strength and courage to tackle them and win.
Buddhism is win or lose.
For example, if you are a student with an assignment to share a speech or an essay you wrote in public, but hate to speak in front of people, just by overcoming this fear and doing it, you've won. The end result of whether it went well or not does not determine the winning or losing, it is that you broke through the walls of self doubt and fear and without knowing it. you've grown. Taking it a step further, your speech has now affected others, positively or negatively and might even have assisted in a path-altering event for some. This is why it is very important to be aware of our Words, Thoughts and Actions, as they do not only produce an effect on our lives, but can have a profound effect on the lives of those in our environment.
Now then, let's talk about the word, "Choose" or "Choice." When we choose our Words, Thoughts and Actions, it should be known that there will be effects attached to them. To live with the knowledge that you are responsible for creating your karma chain, to then suffer what there is to suffer, and enjoy what there is to enjoy [as a result], regarding both as a part of life, this is what I refer to as Freedom.
Have you lived a life free of bad words, thoughts and/or actions? Of course not, as we are human beings and are just as capable of being bad as we are capable of being good. Have we always created value in our lives and the lives of others around us? We are a direct reflection of our environment, and as human beings, we react to the environment at the same time. Therefore, the saying of, "The things others say, think or do is their karma, and the way we react is our karma" is a correct and very difficult way to live ones life, but it is how the Bodhisattva's of the Earth choose to live.
So, when bad things happen to us, it can be argued that it is the result of karma catching up to us. The interesting part of that is, when one is faced with karma, it can present itself in good and bad ways. Sometimes, we wonder what we did to deserve a good or bad thing happening to us or someone close to us, or even to people or a country far removed from our immediate environment. When these things occur, I see it as an opportunity to challenge ourselves and break through the karma. In other words, we are given the chance to add or remove a link from our karma chain. These chains are strong though, so it takes great strength and courage to tackle them and win.
Buddhism is win or lose.
For example, if you are a student with an assignment to share a speech or an essay you wrote in public, but hate to speak in front of people, just by overcoming this fear and doing it, you've won. The end result of whether it went well or not does not determine the winning or losing, it is that you broke through the walls of self doubt and fear and without knowing it. you've grown. Taking it a step further, your speech has now affected others, positively or negatively and might even have assisted in a path-altering event for some. This is why it is very important to be aware of our Words, Thoughts and Actions, as they do not only produce an effect on our lives, but can have a profound effect on the lives of those in our environment.
Now then, let's talk about the word, "Choose" or "Choice." When we choose our Words, Thoughts and Actions, it should be known that there will be effects attached to them. To live with the knowledge that you are responsible for creating your karma chain, to then suffer what there is to suffer, and enjoy what there is to enjoy [as a result], regarding both as a part of life, this is what I refer to as Freedom.
Helping Others is Rewarding!
First, I must thank my
lovely boyfriend (W) who inspires me to go out of my way to help
strangers (when safe, of course). When he visited me this last time,
something he did struck me as very noble. He saw a man pushing a car,
so we pulled over and he hopped out to assist with the pushing. He made
sure the man was OK and then returned to the car. This is just one of
the many things I love about him! Yes, everyone SHOULD stop and help
others in need, but not everyone does. Not even I do this enough, but
His example allowed me to think about it and today, I was able to put it
into action!
Secondly, with the power of Nam MyHo RenGe Kyo and my faith in it, I was able to put my practice to the test as well, which is always AWESOME being able to see actual proof!
Here's the short story:
I was out walking my dogs, as I normally do around 7am each morning, when I heard a voice calling out, "LUCY!!! LUCY!!! LUCY!!!" I could hear the stress in this woman's voice and the yelling got closer and closer, so I waited until I could see her. When I did see her, I walked towards her with my dogs and asked what kind of dog she was looking for. She said a Jack_Russel terrier mix with a purple collar that was attached to a retractable leash. She went further to explain that she dropped something and it spooked Lucy, who ran off away from her owner. The woman (Julie) told me she had been looking for 10 minutes, was in a panic, not only because this was her baby, but that she could not be late for work or they would fire her.
I told her to remain calm and positive, thinking she would definitely find Lucy and that Lucy was probably enjoying hr journey somewhere here in the complex. She was so upset, so I told her that she should walk the path she normally does for her walks and also check her apartment door...she agreed and started heading that way.
Now, normally, I would continue on my own path, knowing I had work approaching as well, but decide to start chanting and concentrating on finding this dog for her worried owner...
Instead of going back to my apartment, I walked around a little, and low and behold, there was Lucy...contained with the pool area, her leash stuck in between a bar of the gate, so I locked it in place and went in search for Julie. I eventually heard Julie yelling for Lucy, so I yelled, "I FOUND HER!!!" Julie came running and was just so relieved and thanked me for helping her. She hugged me and asked me my name. I told her my name and said, "See, I knew we'd find her...now I hope you have a wonderful day...today, could turn out to be the best day of your life, you never know!" She smiled and walked away with her precious Lucy.
This makes me feel so good, that I could put myself in a strangers shoes for a moment in time and think about their situation with confidence that I can make a difference...then I do!
RAWR, I say with vigor, RAWR!!!
Secondly, with the power of Nam MyHo RenGe Kyo and my faith in it, I was able to put my practice to the test as well, which is always AWESOME being able to see actual proof!
Here's the short story:
I was out walking my dogs, as I normally do around 7am each morning, when I heard a voice calling out, "LUCY!!! LUCY!!! LUCY!!!" I could hear the stress in this woman's voice and the yelling got closer and closer, so I waited until I could see her. When I did see her, I walked towards her with my dogs and asked what kind of dog she was looking for. She said a Jack_Russel terrier mix with a purple collar that was attached to a retractable leash. She went further to explain that she dropped something and it spooked Lucy, who ran off away from her owner. The woman (Julie) told me she had been looking for 10 minutes, was in a panic, not only because this was her baby, but that she could not be late for work or they would fire her.
I told her to remain calm and positive, thinking she would definitely find Lucy and that Lucy was probably enjoying hr journey somewhere here in the complex. She was so upset, so I told her that she should walk the path she normally does for her walks and also check her apartment door...she agreed and started heading that way.
Now, normally, I would continue on my own path, knowing I had work approaching as well, but decide to start chanting and concentrating on finding this dog for her worried owner...
Instead of going back to my apartment, I walked around a little, and low and behold, there was Lucy...contained with the pool area, her leash stuck in between a bar of the gate, so I locked it in place and went in search for Julie. I eventually heard Julie yelling for Lucy, so I yelled, "I FOUND HER!!!" Julie came running and was just so relieved and thanked me for helping her. She hugged me and asked me my name. I told her my name and said, "See, I knew we'd find her...now I hope you have a wonderful day...today, could turn out to be the best day of your life, you never know!" She smiled and walked away with her precious Lucy.
This makes me feel so good, that I could put myself in a strangers shoes for a moment in time and think about their situation with confidence that I can make a difference...then I do!
RAWR, I say with vigor, RAWR!!!
Life, Nature & Quirks
There are signs and tests that life presents that challenge us
and keep us honest with ourselves. There are moments in time, I have
found, that are significant. While everyone is different and unique in
their own right, with their own opinions of right and wrong, most people
lean towards what society has deemed right, and that is not necessarily
correct. Something right could merely be what society considers right,
but not correct to the mystic law of the universe. This is how I have
felt my whole life.
My mother joined Nichiren Buddhism when I was just a baby, so my first words were, "Nam MyoHo Renge Kyo." I have had the great fortune to have met my mentor, Daisaku Ikeda in person on a number of occasions when I was in my youth and remember all his words of encouragement when he asked that the men's division and women's division foster capable young people to take the torch of this Buddhism and carry it on into the future, so that the spirit of mentor and desciple never dies and the attainment of Kosen Rufu (World Peace) will be realized. President Ikeda's message has remained the same throughout my life, constantly speaking about the youth and how vital their role is in society and in our faith.
I have practiced for more than 4 decades now and have grown into an adult. My life has been extraordinary, walking the path of Kosen Rufu, challenging myself and encouraging others to keep fighting through all obstacles no matter what. The rewards of my practice and striving to maintain the mentor desciple spirit are unbelievable and I consider my experiences to be more valuable than all the treasures of the world.
Today, I would like to touch on my quirks...
I am not just a Buddhist, I am a human being with quirks. One thing that I grew up knowing about myself, is that I treasure all life and at a young age, had a deep awareness that we share this planet with creatures that are not human. My quirk takes me a step beyond what society deems reasonable sometimes, but I am okay with that.
Now then, here's the story...
A while back, not too long ago...perhaps a month ago, I woke up in the morning, went to my bathroom, turned the light on and was about to lean into the bath/shower to turn the water on for my bath, when I noticed a cockroach. My initial reaction, which has always been my reaction to these creatures was to squeal in disgust, and I did. My mind has a hard time with this, as I believe in life and do not wish to take another life into my hands, even if it is a cockroach, if it can be avoided. I lack the courage to pick it up and take it outside, I admit this and I started to panic a little - remember, I am quirky. I could not think of anything else to do, but grab the bottle of Pine Sol and drench it until it died, which believe me, is not an easy thing for me to do, as I treasure life.
But...I did exactly that, and as the Pine Sol soaked the cockroach, I watched it. I saw it struggle for its life and it hurt me inside to be the one responsible for ending its life. The movements of this cockroach got slower and slower, until all movement ceased to exist. The cockroach was lifeless and I was stunned for a moment. I gathered a bunch of toilet paper and picked it up and tossed it into the toilet and flushed it down, never to see it again, but a sense of relief did not occur, rather a sense of grief poured over me. My mind immediately works itself into thoughts of karma and how this affected both mine and the cockroach.
For some, this seems ridiculous and even humorous, but to me, it was not a proud moment. As a child, if I had a choice to walk on grass or pavement, I chose pavement, for I did not want to kill the grass, nor the bugs that lived at the base of the grass...yes, I was quite quirky, and still am obviously.
Now i bring you to today...
Today, I went to the pool to read a chapter of "The Human Revolution" in the hot tub, so my back could get some heat, which was needed because I lifted a heavy box and injured the already damaged disks from a decade or so ago. It soon got to be very hot, so I decided to take a swim in the pool to cool off. I jumped in and it was very refreshing and I swam a few laps, when I noticed a bee floating in the pool.
My initial reaction was to be fearful that it could crawl on me, but I looked further and it was struggling to stay alive as it was carried with the waves of the pool the children there made. My mind reflected back to the cockroach once again and the thought of redemption rushed through my body. I have always had a problem with deliberately picking up a bug/insect in order to bring it to safety, but I knew I had to overcome this fear one day, and that day was today.
With a swish of water, my hands swished it out of the pool. I watched as this bee stumbled around in a daze, probably wondering what just happened. I waited and watched it dry its body and as I did this, the children in the pool gathered around and asked what was going on. I told them that I managed to get this bee out of the pool and want to see that it survives, as it is a product of nature and is beautiful in its own way. One child asked, "But isn't it going to sting us?" I replied, "It has the capability, but I am showing it some compassion in saving its life and mean it no harm and would appreciate it if they did not harm this one bee at my request and they agreed and giggled together.
The moment of truth came, and the bee, finally dry and very much alive, spread its wings and took off in flight. My heart felt an overwhelming sense of joy and peace. As it flew away, I whispered to myself, may this bee treasure its life that almost ended, like the cockroach who was killed. I chanted Nam MyoHo RenGe Kyo for the life of the bee and the death of the cockroach and felt a renewed sense of love in my heart for nature and life itself.
I know I am quirky, but I use my quirks in a positive way, if at all possible. Laugh if you wish. Think me strange too. I treasure life and live it with a profound sense that we are not alone. We share this planet with creatures that are not human, but they are beautiful in their own right, even a cockroach.
My mother joined Nichiren Buddhism when I was just a baby, so my first words were, "Nam MyoHo Renge Kyo." I have had the great fortune to have met my mentor, Daisaku Ikeda in person on a number of occasions when I was in my youth and remember all his words of encouragement when he asked that the men's division and women's division foster capable young people to take the torch of this Buddhism and carry it on into the future, so that the spirit of mentor and desciple never dies and the attainment of Kosen Rufu (World Peace) will be realized. President Ikeda's message has remained the same throughout my life, constantly speaking about the youth and how vital their role is in society and in our faith.
I have practiced for more than 4 decades now and have grown into an adult. My life has been extraordinary, walking the path of Kosen Rufu, challenging myself and encouraging others to keep fighting through all obstacles no matter what. The rewards of my practice and striving to maintain the mentor desciple spirit are unbelievable and I consider my experiences to be more valuable than all the treasures of the world.
Today, I would like to touch on my quirks...
I am not just a Buddhist, I am a human being with quirks. One thing that I grew up knowing about myself, is that I treasure all life and at a young age, had a deep awareness that we share this planet with creatures that are not human. My quirk takes me a step beyond what society deems reasonable sometimes, but I am okay with that.
Now then, here's the story...
A while back, not too long ago...perhaps a month ago, I woke up in the morning, went to my bathroom, turned the light on and was about to lean into the bath/shower to turn the water on for my bath, when I noticed a cockroach. My initial reaction, which has always been my reaction to these creatures was to squeal in disgust, and I did. My mind has a hard time with this, as I believe in life and do not wish to take another life into my hands, even if it is a cockroach, if it can be avoided. I lack the courage to pick it up and take it outside, I admit this and I started to panic a little - remember, I am quirky. I could not think of anything else to do, but grab the bottle of Pine Sol and drench it until it died, which believe me, is not an easy thing for me to do, as I treasure life.
But...I did exactly that, and as the Pine Sol soaked the cockroach, I watched it. I saw it struggle for its life and it hurt me inside to be the one responsible for ending its life. The movements of this cockroach got slower and slower, until all movement ceased to exist. The cockroach was lifeless and I was stunned for a moment. I gathered a bunch of toilet paper and picked it up and tossed it into the toilet and flushed it down, never to see it again, but a sense of relief did not occur, rather a sense of grief poured over me. My mind immediately works itself into thoughts of karma and how this affected both mine and the cockroach.
For some, this seems ridiculous and even humorous, but to me, it was not a proud moment. As a child, if I had a choice to walk on grass or pavement, I chose pavement, for I did not want to kill the grass, nor the bugs that lived at the base of the grass...yes, I was quite quirky, and still am obviously.
Now i bring you to today...
Today, I went to the pool to read a chapter of "The Human Revolution" in the hot tub, so my back could get some heat, which was needed because I lifted a heavy box and injured the already damaged disks from a decade or so ago. It soon got to be very hot, so I decided to take a swim in the pool to cool off. I jumped in and it was very refreshing and I swam a few laps, when I noticed a bee floating in the pool.
My initial reaction was to be fearful that it could crawl on me, but I looked further and it was struggling to stay alive as it was carried with the waves of the pool the children there made. My mind reflected back to the cockroach once again and the thought of redemption rushed through my body. I have always had a problem with deliberately picking up a bug/insect in order to bring it to safety, but I knew I had to overcome this fear one day, and that day was today.
With a swish of water, my hands swished it out of the pool. I watched as this bee stumbled around in a daze, probably wondering what just happened. I waited and watched it dry its body and as I did this, the children in the pool gathered around and asked what was going on. I told them that I managed to get this bee out of the pool and want to see that it survives, as it is a product of nature and is beautiful in its own way. One child asked, "But isn't it going to sting us?" I replied, "It has the capability, but I am showing it some compassion in saving its life and mean it no harm and would appreciate it if they did not harm this one bee at my request and they agreed and giggled together.
The moment of truth came, and the bee, finally dry and very much alive, spread its wings and took off in flight. My heart felt an overwhelming sense of joy and peace. As it flew away, I whispered to myself, may this bee treasure its life that almost ended, like the cockroach who was killed. I chanted Nam MyoHo RenGe Kyo for the life of the bee and the death of the cockroach and felt a renewed sense of love in my heart for nature and life itself.
I know I am quirky, but I use my quirks in a positive way, if at all possible. Laugh if you wish. Think me strange too. I treasure life and live it with a profound sense that we are not alone. We share this planet with creatures that are not human, but they are beautiful in their own right, even a cockroach.
How We Met
Our relationship began with the click of a button on January 27th, 2011. I posted a picture of a hot young blond with a funky haircut on my Facebook and asked my Facebook friends what they thought of it for me? I noticed that someone I did not know clicked the “like” button, so I went to his page to see who he was. At first glance of his (W’s) picture, I found him wildly attractive. I was separated from my husband at the time and was headed for divorce and felt feisty, so I decided to send W a message that basically said, “By the way, you clicked “like” on a picture of a hot young blond and I was only trying to illustrate the hairstyle – that is not me…I could be her mother!” He replied rather promptly with, “Oh I know, but I took a look at your photos and find you very attractive too.” I felt flush. I was not looking for a relationship, but I was intrigued. I looked to see which friends we had in common that allowed him to see my Facebook post in the first place, and it was this cute Canadian couple I play World of Warcraft with. K and R. W and I sent message back and forth for hours – it was thrilling to have an adult stimulating conversation. In the morning, I messaged K to tell her I was communicating with her friend W, but she interrupted me and said, “Yeah I know…W already contact me and asked about you.” Wow!, I thought. I thought about the conversation I had with W the next day and wondered if there would be more conversations. Sure enough, the conversations continued. The first three days were messages, then we became Facebook friends and started to IM (Instant Message), then we talked on Ventrilo (A voice system that allows people to talk to each other without the charge of long distance). Then, we decided to Skype (Also a cost-free method of communicating). The moment we saw each other, we were instantly attracted and did not fail to mention it. A few days later, we celebrated his birthday (over Skype). We skyped nearly every night, and as the days passed, they turned into weeks of hours upon hours of skyping, where we’d talk about our jobs, his children, my Buddhist practice and world events. February 14th came, and flowers did too (for Valentine’s Day). I blushed at work when everyone wanted to know who they were from. On February 27th, flowers came to my office for our 1 month anniversary. W has always been so sweet and romantic with me and I knew I was starting to fall for him. My divorce was in motion and I was looking for a place to live with my two dogs, when W announced he wanted to visit me in person. I was anxious and nervous because I was falling for him so hard and we had not even kissed, let alone get physically intimate. March went by so fast and 1 week prior to W’s visit, I found an apartment and moved in. We skyped every day until the day came for his arrival. I went to the airport and paced back and forth until finally I saw him coming down the escalator. Our eyes met and we both smiled, as he dropped his bags and ran swiftly over to me, cupped my face in his hands and looked deeply into my eyes and said, “Skype does not do you justice kitten (He calls me kitten by the way), then he kissed me like no one else existed in the airport. I melted and felt so aroused and could not wait to be alone with him. Our first night together was magical and because I am a lady, I will not elaborate, but I will say that we were compatible in every way. At the airport, W and I declared our love for each other and it was a tough goodbye. Four months passed of nightly skyping, which was the longest four months of my life. July was here and W came to visit me again. We had the time of our lives, taking in a show (Zumanity), dinners, morning walks and spent a lot of romantic time together. We also had a commitment ceremony, where he gave me an eternity necklace to represent our love and commitment to each other for all eternity. This necklace has not been removed, but for a few times when I had an MRI or medical scan that required no metal on my person and plan to wear it the rest of my life. After W returned to Canada, we again skyped nearly every night for hours – we never seem to run out of things to say and sometimes we would have Skype dinners (we both cook the same thing with the camera facing the kitchen, then we sit down in front of the computer and with candles lit and wine in hand, we eat…sometimes his children would join us and other times, it was just us two – so romantic! September came, and off to Canada for the first time, I went. I had the best time with him and his children and it was so hard to leave him after my visit, but I returned home and we continued our skyping. November came and he flew down to me, we (including my mother) drove to Arizona for Thanksgiving with my best friend Kelly – it was amazing, but short, as W had to return to Canada. December came quick though, and off to Canada I went for Christmas and New Years – it was glorious and I did not want to leave, but I knew I had to. In January 2012, we discussed our future and marriage and learned that we both wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, so we started to make plans to be together. Four long months passed with our skyping nearly every night, until W finally came to visit me again. We finalized our plans for me to join him in Canada, get married and live happily together for the rest of our lives. I leave for Canada on June 8th and cannot wait for our journey together to begin!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
An Extraordinary Life
My life began in 1967. Soon after I was born, my mother was introduced to Nichiren Buddhism. My first words were, "Nam MyoHo RenGe Kyo" and I was raised learning about peace and culture and following the law of 'Cause and Effect.' Growing up this way has afforded me a life filled with constant positivity and beauty.
I first chanted to please my mother, but soon I began to wonder if this chanting was for real and if it really worked, so I decided to test it. Each thing I chanted for materialized. Every situation I wanted to change, changed. Over and over, everything I chanted for happened, so my doubt soon became faith because I had actual proof. Nothing beats actual proof!
There’s really only 1 thing I’ve chanted for and did not get – to have children, as I cannot physically have children of my own. I have thought about adopting through the years, but do not want babies of my own at my age, so I had given up the thought of this. I knew that I was meant not to have children, so that I could mother the world, and this is what I have done my whole life…I nurture all those around me: my friends, co-workers, people I just met…heck, I mother my mother!
Here I am, almost 45 years later and my life has been extraordinary. I have maintained a high life condition through tough times, never giving up on my dreams and as a result, all my dreams have come true. I am living my dreams right now.
But it hasn't all been a walk in the park...I have had my share of sadness and have fought obstacles and struggled too...
After 19 years, I finally decided to leave my failing marriage. I was so miserable in my marriage, but I had the Gohonzon and chanted day after day, year after year and finally the day came when I asked for a divorce. I was told I could end up alone and miserable, but I did not give in to that negativity. I chanted to be victorious in all aspects of my life and knew I needed to start a new journey that was healthy and happy.
Soon after my ex-husband and I separated, I met an amazing man that, from the beginning, took my breath away and keeps taking it away every day. This man is everything I have ever wanted in a partner and more – the man of my dreams pales in comparison to the man of my reality.
The problem was that he lives in Canada, but when we first met, I didn’t want a serious relationship at that point because I was headed for a divorce and needed to regain my life back again. He also was not looking for a serious relationship, so we formed a great friendship right away. But we could not get enough of each other and skyped nearly every night, day after day, week after week and it did not take long for us to fall in love. Here we are 15 months later and we have decided we want to be together for the rest of our lives, so we started making plans to be together.
We recently made the decision that I would move to Canada to be with him. I was so happy and excited! As I chanted each day about the things I needed to do in order to move to Canada, I got more and more excited! Every morning, I would chant and go over the things I needed to do:
Last week, a great friend of mine texed me and asked the name of my apartments and what length the leases were for a friend of hers that wanted to move and that my location was perfect She also mentioned that they had no furniture and may want to purchase some of my stuff. So I told her the info she asked about and then also joked and said, "Or they could take over my lease in June and stay until at least the end of August." My friend said she would let them know. Long story short, the couple came over to view my apartment and furniture decided to take over my lease and purchase some of my furniture.
Next, I decided to put a message on Facebook regarding the sale of the rest of my furniture, as well as my car and have had a ton of responses and believe all of it will be sold within a couple of weeks.
Have I mentioned that my fiancé has 2 children? Two teen-aged children, a boy and a girl who adore me as I adore them. The boy is 16 and the girl is 18. They were raised by and will be living with us when I get to Canada in 29 days. Ahh, the thought of grandchildren in the future makes me smile…
What I am trying to say here is, everything I chant for, I get. My dreams continue to manifest into reality. I am so grateful for all the things in my life, but mostly, I have so much gratitude for my Buddhist practice and the extraordinary life it has afforded me.
I first chanted to please my mother, but soon I began to wonder if this chanting was for real and if it really worked, so I decided to test it. Each thing I chanted for materialized. Every situation I wanted to change, changed. Over and over, everything I chanted for happened, so my doubt soon became faith because I had actual proof. Nothing beats actual proof!
There’s really only 1 thing I’ve chanted for and did not get – to have children, as I cannot physically have children of my own. I have thought about adopting through the years, but do not want babies of my own at my age, so I had given up the thought of this. I knew that I was meant not to have children, so that I could mother the world, and this is what I have done my whole life…I nurture all those around me: my friends, co-workers, people I just met…heck, I mother my mother!
Here I am, almost 45 years later and my life has been extraordinary. I have maintained a high life condition through tough times, never giving up on my dreams and as a result, all my dreams have come true. I am living my dreams right now.
But it hasn't all been a walk in the park...I have had my share of sadness and have fought obstacles and struggled too...
After 19 years, I finally decided to leave my failing marriage. I was so miserable in my marriage, but I had the Gohonzon and chanted day after day, year after year and finally the day came when I asked for a divorce. I was told I could end up alone and miserable, but I did not give in to that negativity. I chanted to be victorious in all aspects of my life and knew I needed to start a new journey that was healthy and happy.
Soon after my ex-husband and I separated, I met an amazing man that, from the beginning, took my breath away and keeps taking it away every day. This man is everything I have ever wanted in a partner and more – the man of my dreams pales in comparison to the man of my reality.
The problem was that he lives in Canada, but when we first met, I didn’t want a serious relationship at that point because I was headed for a divorce and needed to regain my life back again. He also was not looking for a serious relationship, so we formed a great friendship right away. But we could not get enough of each other and skyped nearly every night, day after day, week after week and it did not take long for us to fall in love. Here we are 15 months later and we have decided we want to be together for the rest of our lives, so we started making plans to be together.
We recently made the decision that I would move to Canada to be with him. I was so happy and excited! As I chanted each day about the things I needed to do in order to move to Canada, I got more and more excited! Every morning, I would chant and go over the things I needed to do:
- Make sure my mother found a great place to live
- Sell all my furniture
- Sell my car
- Finish my apartment lease to August to avoid an early departure penalty
Last week, a great friend of mine texed me and asked the name of my apartments and what length the leases were for a friend of hers that wanted to move and that my location was perfect She also mentioned that they had no furniture and may want to purchase some of my stuff. So I told her the info she asked about and then also joked and said, "Or they could take over my lease in June and stay until at least the end of August." My friend said she would let them know. Long story short, the couple came over to view my apartment and furniture decided to take over my lease and purchase some of my furniture.
Next, I decided to put a message on Facebook regarding the sale of the rest of my furniture, as well as my car and have had a ton of responses and believe all of it will be sold within a couple of weeks.
Have I mentioned that my fiancé has 2 children? Two teen-aged children, a boy and a girl who adore me as I adore them. The boy is 16 and the girl is 18. They were raised by and will be living with us when I get to Canada in 29 days. Ahh, the thought of grandchildren in the future makes me smile…
What I am trying to say here is, everything I chant for, I get. My dreams continue to manifest into reality. I am so grateful for all the things in my life, but mostly, I have so much gratitude for my Buddhist practice and the extraordinary life it has afforded me.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
SHOULD'VE LAND
There is a place we often visit, a place we hate going to, a place that is haunting, a place where our fears and truths live. It's across from Regret Island, and it's called Should've Land.
All too often, we let things marinate, leaving things we know we should do, undone...unsaid. We justify and use this place as a protective mechanism against things that are uncomfortable, but necessary. We shag off responsibility to these things and ourselves in doing so.
I am guilty of visiting this place myself and luckily, I am given signs that allow me to wake up and recognize it. We always get signs, but they are often ignored because it means reality is breaking through the outer layer of self-justification. We are not doing ourselves any favors by being in this state, by relaxing in a comfortable plush couch within Should've Land.
Sometimes we remain stagnant at Should've Land because we don't see the right way to proceed and we freeze in fear of doing the wrong thing, calling it 'Caution' but how long do we sit here and fester? Don't be afraid to ask for help or guidance from someone you trust.
WAKE UP! TAKE ACTION! You just might find that your shoulders are lighter if you do the things you've been putting off, or say the things you feel. After all, if you wait too long...you might find yourself in Too-late-ville.
Take my hand, let's leave this place and run free among the beautiful blossoms of life, tackling anything that stands in our way, breaking through any obstacle that tells us we can't and win every day, a victory in every aspect of our lives!
WHO'S WITH ME?!
All too often, we let things marinate, leaving things we know we should do, undone...unsaid. We justify and use this place as a protective mechanism against things that are uncomfortable, but necessary. We shag off responsibility to these things and ourselves in doing so.
I am guilty of visiting this place myself and luckily, I am given signs that allow me to wake up and recognize it. We always get signs, but they are often ignored because it means reality is breaking through the outer layer of self-justification. We are not doing ourselves any favors by being in this state, by relaxing in a comfortable plush couch within Should've Land.
Sometimes we remain stagnant at Should've Land because we don't see the right way to proceed and we freeze in fear of doing the wrong thing, calling it 'Caution' but how long do we sit here and fester? Don't be afraid to ask for help or guidance from someone you trust.
WAKE UP! TAKE ACTION! You just might find that your shoulders are lighter if you do the things you've been putting off, or say the things you feel. After all, if you wait too long...you might find yourself in Too-late-ville.
Take my hand, let's leave this place and run free among the beautiful blossoms of life, tackling anything that stands in our way, breaking through any obstacle that tells us we can't and win every day, a victory in every aspect of our lives!
WHO'S WITH ME?!
Sunday, August 14, 2011
September 1967
At 5am, on September 13th in the year 1967, my Mother started having contractions...the baby, whom she was told would be a boy, was not going to wait any longer!
Only 31 minutes later...I was born...and I was not a boy *giggles* and everyone was taken back, because I was a girl in every way, or at least it appeared that way on the outside. When I was cut from my Mothers womb, the nurses took me and washed me off , but my body (from head to toe) was bloody and scabby due to the eczema that covered my poor little soul. It appeared that I was born also allergic to just about everything: the sun, most foods, all animals and more. I am sure my Mother was horrified at first...
An important part of how I became who I am today is the fact that my Mother was introduced to Nichiren Buddhism (sgi-usa.org) when I was only a few months old, so I was raised a little Buddhist Bodhisattva. This meant that instead of being brought up as a regular child, I was considered a "Fortune Baby." This means that I was raised with the thought process of "Cause and Effect" and that my words, thoughts and actions all had an effect on my present and future circumstances. It also meant that instead of playing around as regular children did, I was walking on peace gatherings, dancing in Garden Parties, marching in Cultural Parades and things like that.
I am glad for the way I was brought up, for it means that I cherish every moment of time and space. Don't get me wrong, I am also human and plenty capable of slandering people and making bad decisions and the wrong choices - which I did regularly!
So, my first words were. "Nam Myo Ho Ren Ge Kyo." What I love about my Buddhist practice is that by chanting those words on a daily basis, my life condition is mostly at the highest level it can be. Everyone has the same list of life conditions, or wor4lds that exist within us:
+ Having experienced hell helps us maintain a desire to better our circumstances. Empathy, understanding the sufferings of others.
+ The driving force to improve a situation. People can hunger, even yearn to see others happy and fight for peace in the world.
+ Protective instincts, for example, that we need more sleep. Preservation of self or others.
+ Anger at injustice. The passion to fight authoritarian behavior.
+ Being at peace, calm and reasonable. An opportunity to restore one's energies.
+ Temporary joy when desires are fulfilled. Exhilaration at being alive.
- Can lead to self-centeredness and separation from others. In the Lotus Sutra people of Learning and Realization were taught they could only enter the realm of Buddhahood through faith.
- Can lead to self-centeredness and a tendency to use one's intellect, rather than one's wisdom, to solve problems.
+ Devotion to the happiness of others as shown by nurses or a parent's love for a child.
- May turn to arrogance if you feel superior to those you are helping. Pouring life-force out towards the lives of others, without paying attention to one's own needs means that one's life will move towards the lower life states.
And so, this is how my life has been lived as a child up into my teens and I have no regrets about it whatsoever. In fact, I feel blessed to have had the good fortune to have been born and raised this way.
This is where I shall end this first portion of this "White Picket Fence" series.
Stay tuned for additional installments!
kitten{SirW}
Only 31 minutes later...I was born...and I was not a boy *giggles* and everyone was taken back, because I was a girl in every way, or at least it appeared that way on the outside. When I was cut from my Mothers womb, the nurses took me and washed me off , but my body (from head to toe) was bloody and scabby due to the eczema that covered my poor little soul. It appeared that I was born also allergic to just about everything: the sun, most foods, all animals and more. I am sure my Mother was horrified at first...
An important part of how I became who I am today is the fact that my Mother was introduced to Nichiren Buddhism (sgi-usa.org) when I was only a few months old, so I was raised a little Buddhist Bodhisattva. This meant that instead of being brought up as a regular child, I was considered a "Fortune Baby." This means that I was raised with the thought process of "Cause and Effect" and that my words, thoughts and actions all had an effect on my present and future circumstances. It also meant that instead of playing around as regular children did, I was walking on peace gatherings, dancing in Garden Parties, marching in Cultural Parades and things like that.
I am glad for the way I was brought up, for it means that I cherish every moment of time and space. Don't get me wrong, I am also human and plenty capable of slandering people and making bad decisions and the wrong choices - which I did regularly!
So, my first words were. "Nam Myo Ho Ren Ge Kyo." What I love about my Buddhist practice is that by chanting those words on a daily basis, my life condition is mostly at the highest level it can be. Everyone has the same list of life conditions, or wor4lds that exist within us:
1. Hell:
- Misery and suffering. Fear, grief and destructive rages or depression. A feeling of being imprisoned by one's circumstances.+ Having experienced hell helps us maintain a desire to better our circumstances. Empathy, understanding the sufferings of others.
2. Hunger:
- Being dominated by desires or cravings, both physical and mental.+ The driving force to improve a situation. People can hunger, even yearn to see others happy and fight for peace in the world.
3. Animality:
- Instinctive behavior, lacking in reason. Fear of those who seem stronger and bullying of those who seem weaker. The 'law of the jungle'.+ Protective instincts, for example, that we need more sleep. Preservation of self or others.
4. Anger:
- Feeling superior to others and wanting to show it. Aggressiveness. Feeling in conflict with others. The world of self-centeredness and ego.+ Anger at injustice. The passion to fight authoritarian behavior.
5. Humanity, or Tranquility:
- Constant inactivity, laziness, passivity.+ Being at peace, calm and reasonable. An opportunity to restore one's energies.
6. Rapture, or Heaven:
- Short term gratification when one's desires have been achieved . Can quickly revert to hell, or hunger.+ Temporary joy when desires are fulfilled. Exhilaration at being alive.
7. Learning:
+ Learning about life and oneself from others and from existing knowledge.- Can lead to self-centeredness and separation from others. In the Lotus Sutra people of Learning and Realization were taught they could only enter the realm of Buddhahood through faith.
8. Realization:
+ The wisdom or insight where we gain an understanding of an aspect of life from our own observations and experiences.- Can lead to self-centeredness and a tendency to use one's intellect, rather than one's wisdom, to solve problems.
9. Bodhisattva:
The word consists of bodhi (enlightenment) and sattva (beings) and means someone who seeks enlightenment, for themselves and others.+ Devotion to the happiness of others as shown by nurses or a parent's love for a child.
- May turn to arrogance if you feel superior to those you are helping. Pouring life-force out towards the lives of others, without paying attention to one's own needs means that one's life will move towards the lower life states.
10. Buddha:
An ordinary person awakened to the true nature of life, and experiencing absolute happiness and freedom within the realities of daily life. Indestructible joy, unlimited wisdom, courage, compassion, creativity and life force.And so, this is how my life has been lived as a child up into my teens and I have no regrets about it whatsoever. In fact, I feel blessed to have had the good fortune to have been born and raised this way.
This is where I shall end this first portion of this "White Picket Fence" series.
Stay tuned for additional installments!
kitten{SirW}
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